Alright alright alright, I don’t really know how to introduce this topic in any way that won’t make me giggle, but I’m getting into my theory on the sexual psychology of fetishes. We’ll do a brief overview of introductory psych, including introducing some big names like FREUD and dabbling in our favorite Greek Mythology with Oedipus. (Did I just give you flashbacks to high school history class? Good.) Then, we’ll pass the seven levels of the candy cane forest…past the sea of swirly twirly gumdrops… jk but I will speak anecdotally on my own information both from the unfortunate instances I’ve tried online dating and my personal private actual real life–in which men feel very comfortable telling me their sexual fantasies and fetishes. I’m not here to judge. I’m a scientist baby, I am FASCINATED by some of you. As long as you don’t creep ME out and direct it towards me in gross demeanors, learning about the strange facets of humanity’s sexual variance is truly the 8th wonder of the world.
A Brief Psych Background
Psychology is an emerging field in western medicine and particularly American medicine, as our narrative and focus on psychology involves conflation of biological warfare and military development. *The CIA and geopolitical bias surrounding the Cold War and framing of the USSR, Eugenics, and democracy versus communism has entered the chat.* However, it can be traced back to ancient Greece in 400-500 B.C. (Think Socrates, Plato, Aristotle and great philosophers who pondered the mind).
Sigmund Freud (1856-1939), the pioneer of psychoanalysis, introduced theories of psychosexual development and sexually confusing relationships based on parental figures.
In the 1890’s, a Russian physiologist, Ivan Pavlov, used dog salivation to denote “Pavlovian”, or classical, conditioning showed two unrelated stimuli could easily (and relatively simply) become linked to produce a “learned response”.
Operant Conditioning, developed by behaviorist B.F Skinner, utilized external, observable behavioral causes over internal thoughts and motivation. It involves associative learning, in which the association between a behavior and consequence (which can be negative or positive) occurs.
You truly cannot tell me if the porn industry was dominated by women we wouldn’t already have conditioned men to cook, to unload the dishwasher, to put the toilet seat down, to clean the house, any basic household tasks or emotional support for sexual favors or interest. This is a simple technique I use on boyfriends. I reward or repeat desirable behaviors until they become second-nature. In society, lack of accountability with reference to a lot of issues, but definitely violence towards women, is likely the reason it continues. We are operantly conditioning men to not believe there are consequences for their (potentially dangerous) actions which harm others.
As a reminder, before we get into it–never fake an orgasm. The men do not need to think they “did a good job” if they did not. This is the participation trophy of sex.
Cut it out. Sex doesn’t “always” have to end in orgasms of one party or the other, either. It doesn’t need to be some finish line or end goal if it’s not happening and you don’t need to feel guilty for it.
Neurotransmitters are chemical substances that are released at the end of nerve fibers because of nerve impulses diffusing across a synapse (aka: enough stimulation has been reached for action potential propagation). These are the chemicals that relay messages throughout our bodies regarding nerve sensation.
All the nerves in your body eventually travel up through the spinal cord to some extent and into your brain. The spinal cord and brain together make up the central nervous system, as your spinal cord’s biophysical purpose is moving nerves from the motor cortex of the body (physical sensation) to sensory cortex (mental reception) and is involved with reflex coordination.
The Foot Fetish (4:50)
Speaking of reflexes, does anyone else have trouble sitting still when the people giving you a pedicure go to scrub the soles of your feet? I can never help but giggle and brace myself so I don’t kick them.
On that note, the first one we’re gonna start out nice and strong with is the good ole foot fetish. This fetish has been around in pop culture and mainstream media since the 1950’s at least, though we know humanity is weird and if Lord of the Flies type of shit used to (still) happens on the regular, then thinking about people getting off to some toes seems remarkably reasonable.
I mean there are some humans who are racist…
don’t judge yourself for sucking on some toes.
Alright, first off, let’s look at the beautiful anatomy of the feet. As someone with monkey toes who can pick up things after years of gripping a beam in gymnastics, pushing off for high jump or hurdles, kicking soccer balls–my feet are rather beautiful works of art. I have a few scars from when I broke a mirror and hid it in my closet so I wouldn’t get in trouble…A great plan until I forgot it was there, stepped on it whilst playing hide and seek, and now it can be used to identify my body if one day someone murders me for my feet. Maybe I should make an OnlyFans and insure them like some surgeons insure their hands. Ludacris told me to shake my money maka a long time ago but what if your money makers more so “dangle” at the end of your limbs? This isn’t a joke. Men have paid me for strange things in this lifetime. A gal’s gotta pay her bills and grad school was expensive.
Thus, naturally, I get a lot of instagram DMs requesting feet pics.
Now, DO I think my feet pics will one day be my Kim Kardashian sex tape? Maybe.
Do I think it’ll more so be used by men who consume it on the internet then try to say it devalues my opinion or education on completely unrelated things? Most likely.
Foot fetishism is “the most common form of sexual fetish for otherwise non-sexual objects or body parts”. (Wikipedia). Sigmund Freud, an Austrian neurologist who founded psychoanalysis (I think he would’ve loved to meet me, personally) was born to Jewish parents, which is probably why Christians villify sexuality and all of psychology in general as “witch magic”. Those good ole racist undertones of the American education system that you don’t realize overlap with the framing and focus of our education and general curriculum.
Freud coined several novel psychoanalytical terms. Most of which can be summarized in the following chart:
That whole “butt stuff 2020” or whatever year it was? That wasn’t novel. Men are fucking children and love to put their penis wherever they can. Those little squishy toys you’d get from Rainforest Cafe basically prepared our whole generation to give handjobs from childhood. Ringpops, push pops, and popsicles in general? Taught us how to suck on some dicks. Which I love to do. In one of my “Amanda Please” episodes, I discuss giving head like you are the one ring to rule them all. Men look at you as you take their cock into your mouth with the same frantic and primal admiration and desire that the ring had over everybody. Plus, penises are like bread and they have emulsifying agents that cause it to rise. It is very easy to tell when you’re at least doing a decent job. Negating erectile dysfunction, mental barriers, or even depression medication which affects libido significantly (which ya’ll shoulda remembered from Sex and the City).
I get why vaginas must be terrifying to men. Like, if a woman’s nipples are hard, she might just be cold. I have a fairly low body fat percentage on my chest and I don’t retain any weight in my upper body so my nipples can cut diamonds most of the time. Don’t take that to mean shit. And I’m typically a “Class Five West Virginia Rapids” type of super soaker if you’re doing at least a decent job. If you’re not, you essentially just need to sit there and let me enjoy myself first because you’ll get off after me. The orgasm gap is real, and I’ve spent my whole life bridging it because ya girl is an equestrian and the men are replaceable if they can’t also mentally captivate me. I’m getting sidetracked, but unless a woman is communicating with you, I have no doubt it must be fucking TERRIFYING to know if you’re doing the “right” thing. And if you’re lucky enough to have more than one serious girlfriend in life, you’ll realize everybody is different. Their bodies react differently to different sensations. They prefer different pressures. They are stimulated by different ideas, maneuvers, mentality.
And most of sex education in the united states frames sex as something a man “does” to the woman. The Christian conservative overlap in that, because most of the textbooks for the American education system are developed by a religious company out of the South apparently, makes it so men don’t even REALIZE they’re supposed to think about another person’s feelings half the time.
I told my friend Molly’s very Catholic, but very sweet, roommate (who was of the belief that sex work should be illegal because she’s sad anyone has to “resort” to that), that the same reason she’s complaining about all the “nice guys” from dating apps she’s meeting thinking dinner entitles them to sex immediately (she’s waiting until marriage, so obviously this ain’t her thing), that they do this because prostitution is illegal. That they would never be able to AFFORD the women they think they could get if prostitution was legal. And they’d realize, if we also help close the economic gender gap, that if they don’t offer the mental side of relationships, and an actually mentally competent partnership, they’re really not any better than dildos and at least with dildos we aren’t at risk for STD’s.
Speaking of, did you know in Texas you can’t own more than 6 dildos. It’s illegal.
But apparently insurrection isn’t.
And the death penalty for abortion isn’t.
Who woulda thought.
Honestly, if prostitution was legal, it would probably give the nerds and actual good guys more confidence because they’d just hire sex workers to help them get over their insecurities tied to being “late bloomers”. Look at Elon Musk, that dude definitely gets his ass licked and absolutely loves it. I guarantee you we have watched the same alien space gangbang porn. The fetish culture porn is typically better screenplays and production quality. It’s probably a good thing I was never a theatre geek. Imagine how much worse I’d be if I was confident performing in crowds.
Private shows are my thing, though. I loved having two dancers try to undress me in E11even in Miami in a private booth. That was hot as fuck. I just didn’t want the guy I was with to see my tits yet. We were paying for YA’LL to show us YOUR tits. Pay me and maybe I’ll show you mine.
So I don’t judge sexuality preferences unless you are Armie Hammer branding and cannibal style because fuck that guy. If you’re two consenting adults who are both mentally competent enough to understand the potential safety concerns, go crazy. I didn’t realize growing up on a farm and with so many 4-H people would lead into such strange sex lives. People are animals, at the end of the day.
Freudian’s psychosexual theory of development moves from oral to anal to phallic, as most religious folk in the south do…God’s loophole is the poophole, after all.
Let’s never let my ex boyfriend forget his high school girlfriend shit on his dick in the car. Apparently that’s pretty common because the girl from my high school who saved me from being the center of attention for sucking two dicks at once moved the attention onto herself when she shit on a couch in front of people doing anal at a party. When I look back, I honestly wonder what the situation with consent was etc. That’s probably why I was previously always terrified of anything even related to anal. This is also why I reinforce that women need to get sex toys and explore themselves, because you never know what you’ll like until you try it and anal orgasms are just so different. Highly recommend smoking weed if you are super uptight like me and can never relax. That way, if you do something super embarrassing–who the fuck cares. You’re the only person that will know. That is best case scenario to training your body.
Don’t wait for men to pleasure yourself.
Doctors used to prescribe vibrators to women in the early 1900’s. Granted, women couldn’t divorce their husbands or open their own bank accounts, and since most husbands in that era were pre/during the Great Depression and post-1918 Flu pandemic, I think we can all emphasize with WHY vibrators became a thing.
Back to Freud–
With the phallic stage of development, the child’s pleasure focuses on the genitals. Now, if you’ve ever babysat or had your own kids, you’ll understand the transitions in these stages and just now might have the actual terminology for it. Some of the little boys I babysat used to hump pillows and cushions etc without actually knowing what they were doing–you could just tell they thought it felt good. Plus, if you’ve ever bathed a baby toddler, you’ll know they hold onto their penises (if they have one) and just play with it absentmindedly.
As a 28 year old, I’d like to put on the books that men NEVER leave this stage. They’re constantly up tucking their boners, adjusting their ball sacks–one of the guys in my friend’s fraternity would just pull his out for any photo–they LOVE their dicks. If they don’t, or are asexual to any extent, I consider you amongst a more “evolved” class of persona. Thank you for not being completely driven by your first comparison to a “sword” that reinforced your love of warfare and competition for years to come. Slaying dragons simply evolved to slaying women. We’ve seen Game of Thrones. Men in the USA are the fucking wildlings raping and pillaging us and we would like ya’ll to chill the fuck out.
The phallic stage is when the Oedipus complex in boys is said to develop. This theory suggests men develop a strange attachment to their mothers. Freud also suggests penis envy happens here and my best friend was incredibly vocal on her beliefs in penis envy–mostly out of convenience. Also, with a penis typically assumes (although not always) that you won’t be giving birth. Birth is one of the most dangerous times for a woman, so that would be cool to not have to worry about.
My friend from MTV’s The Real World, who used to do high jump at UNC and was kicked off the team when he performed a striptease in a bio lecture (he was actually a stripper at the Golden Banana back in Boston), would send me videos helicoptering his dick and it was like 8 inches (it was a nice dick but guess who never fucked him because he literally just wanted to fuck everything that moved). To be honest, is this why I enjoy warfare movies? And researching military technology? Do the propellers of the helicopters now remind me of dicks and does this subliminally turn me on? Maybe. I think I’m on to something. That looked fun as fuck to do, though. Also, convenience of peeing. Free drinks aren’t really a perk when they’re often encompassed with rape, but I can sell feet pics so you got me there on the “hot girl privileges” of whatever “vagina envy” you imagine exists–because YES I absolutely would rather make less money to the dollar and have men sit around and decide what healthcare and religious beliefs I can or cannot have.
That guy, Strider, the one I’ve referenced past with the pregnancy and twin fetish, has gone out of his way to specify and clarify that I was the fetish, not the fetish itself. I think he secretly has an Oedipus complex cause he has posted things like “my mom will beat up your mom” and she’s big on hiking the Appalachian Trail and we both like all the same stuff and I don’t wanna be the one to point out that I think I’m his dream woman because I remind him of his mom so maybe he should just stop being so scared of his feared and imaginary inadequacy, but alas. He also has confessed or asked whether I’d be into gang bangs, which — like, excuse me. What is the problem with that? You have a room full of guys who you get to choose to fuck at your own discretion? (Not the type of gang bangs in porn where the woman isn’t in control). What is not hot about that? My only problem is, because sex work is illegal, I’d never feel comfortable meeting a stranger for any of that because I’m, again, terrified of getting murdered and don’t enjoy casual sex (I enjoy a LOT of sex when the right option is presented, otherwise I’m disinterested) enough to care about making men I don’t care about happy or have access to me. Thus, in that scenario I’d have to likely know the people to some extent which can just make things awkward so it is never ever something I would ever propose or seriously consider. Especially not if I’m not dating the (main) guy.
Nah, you don’t get the show. People pay good money on OnlyFans for homemade content like that, buddy.
You do not get to NOT buy the cow and still get the milk for free. Which…we should probably refer to men as the cows in that reference more often. They make more money, their cum is white like milk…
Freud also proposed periods of sexual latency as well as a “genital stage” from puberty onward where you actually engage in a “sexual awakening”.
The reason I don’t judge Strider for not knowing anything about women is, apart from being an INTJ which typically means reserved socially, he grew up in a male only household apart from his mom. One of his first girlfriends in high school also later went on to actually do porn and she was apparently into some extreme fetishes. He said he could’ve predicted it, because that’s what she was into at the time as well. I personally think this reinforced a fear of inadequacy, because he thought he wasn’t physically “enough”, because he has passively commented on my vagina being like the glass slipper to his cock or some shit like that because he “thinks he’s perfectly sized for me”. Which, he is, but he is currently unavailable to me, so I would never give him that satisfaction. Strider is the same one I mention who nearly choked me out until I passed out the first time we met and hooked up, who I called a “liability” to his fraternity dad.
We have hooked up only a handful of times since but he reaches out to me regularly and has gradually progressed more and more and I’ve seen this lifetime movie–it only ends two ways: murder or marriage. Sometimes both. I don’t really want to get murdered, so if he could admit his love for me so I worry less about his interest, that would be cool.
I am literally “the forbidden” for him. His family–big time confederates. Mine–union general and POW. His family–slave owners. Plantation south slave owners, nonetheless. Mine–spoke 9 native american languages and lived on the frontier peacefully to negotiate trade (hopefully I won’t eventually unearth worse). We are both the biggest war histories and one time I fell asleep watching a civil war documentary with him and we just snuggled kinda on an L shaped couch and he lightly reached out and touched my fingers when he thought I was asleep. It was so cute and gentle. I thought at the time he had friendzoned me.
I refuse to date or seriously consider anyone who can’t verbalize their feelings for me, because words of affirmation are one of my main love languages and I need someone to be able to remind me of the good that I bring them. I also recently went back and looked at Snapchat memories with him and he is just staring at me in mystified awe in pretty much every one where I’m doing anything odd. It’s kinda cute. I don’t know why he would downplay it, but love is scary and I’m intimidating, so I get it.
Now, am I Selena Gomez and do I just have a fetish for his love? Maybe.
I view my life through the frame of “there are multifactorial dependent, diverse outcomes and possibilities for every scenario. I can predict what is the most likely, or which ones I would be happy in, but the majority of life is unpredictable. We’ll see which dimension it takes me to.
Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution addressed that it is neither the most intelligent or strongest of the species that survives, it is the one most able to adapt.
I look for partners that I think will be able to grow through life with me, but I’m not concerned that if it doesn’t work out, that’s “it”. I’m also, frankly, just not prioritizing men. They don’t really deserve it. My value doesn’t depend on the presence of a male at my side.
Though, this mentality unfortunately gives the men I occasionally fuck a huge leg up because they KNOW that I live on a farm in the rural country and HAPPILY am focused on myself, so I genuinely do not give a fuck about meeting people (especially right now). I go months without talking to people normally, because that’s how my family is with communication. And they use it to their advantage, much to my detriment, and know my feelings towards them don’t change just because of life’s natural absences (and state geography).
To be fair for my parent’s generation–without technology, you actually just settled down right after college. My mom and dad met while she was in undergrad and military families get married quickly. There was a nice little dowry of a house and land, attached to her, after all. My mom, thus, grew up thinking it was normal and your spouse should and could not communicate for weeks on end, because duty calls. He might miss your facetime but he’ll never miss an instagram model’s booty pic–just remember.
While we’re at it, I take back the nice things I said about the Special Forces Army medic. He’s hot, and I’d still go to the shooting range with him again, but don’t you DARE read my blog then have the audacity to give me dating advice. You lied to your fiance about teaching me how to shoot a gun and I had to UNTAG YOU ON INSTAGRAM because you were worried about her reaction. You are on deployment checking my instagram every day and have to wait for me to call you out on it, before saying I have “interesting thoughts”. Which, I do, and can’t blame you for, but the fact that you refuse to follow me because she’ll see, is insane.
I do not envy or desire any relationship with that much insecurity and distrust warped in control. That is not love, and that is not something I “want to come home to”. Life is an adventure and call me Bilbo Baggins, but I’m skipping my ass down that lane happily and I want to explore the world and what “life” means with someone who loves me and chooses to see me for the way I see myself and others. I don’t want your version of love because it dulls to mine. I want to be effervescent. And I don’t want my partner to feel the need to hide those lines of communication from me or what it means to be “human”. They don’t need to understand it, or know how to navigate everything alone or figure things out for me, they just need to learn how to talk to me.
Circling back to foot fetishes, now that you got me all hot and bothered thinking about the Army, it’s estimated that 1 in 7 people have sexual thoughts about feet.
First of all, there are over 7,000 nerve endings in each foot. You know what that means? A lot of sensory stimulation.
Reflex points in your feet can be stimulated for homeopathic remedies to address digestive issues, head aches, and even PMS pain for women. Thus, fucking with a foot fetish may offer some relief you weren’t aware was correlated… or even potentially CAUSALLY associated.
Men–do not use this as an excuse if your partner tells you they have a headache. Don’t pressure them for sex unless you know them REALLY REALLY well (& they won’t get mad), because women shouldn’t need to ever justify why they don’t want your cock inside of them.
Second, referencing that oral stage, feet are often up by the partner’s head if you’re looking at heteronormative sex. Look at how porn is shot–the focal emphasis on the feet. If you’re fucking her, sometimes the feet are over your shoulders. Right there within grasping range of your tongue, desperately searching for somewhere to slither between so you can stop alternating on looking at them versus your own cock and needing something else to do. Of COURSE the toes are gonna cum into play.
You contort her enough and maybe her hips hinge open and she can place both feet behind her head. My friend Mina from the “ENTJ Women Unhinged” episode can do that, actually. And drink wine from a wine glass held by her feet. She is probably the hottest person I’ve ever seen, so her boyfriend is one lucky guy let’s just leave it at that.
If you’re fucking them doggie, not only do you visually see their butthole, but their feet are right there at the edge of your fingertips, usually. Potentially even offering stability and grip potential for better driving force and thus, sexual pleasure for themselves. In this way, they are classically conditioning themselves to enjoy touching feet, because they associate it with plunging their cocks into the crest of your labia. Real sword and the stone type of bullshit. We wonder why nerds like D&D so much.
Speaking of–have I ever mentioned that The Farmboy is a huge D&D player and apparently used to get in fights with his ex girlfriend about not skipping it for her. He skipped an entire game for me, and all of our mutual friends were shocked. Did I mention I have skills? I’d marry that man in a heartbeat. Once again, I will never consider it until he can somehow pick up these imaginary signals I’m echolocating to him like the whales in Finding Dory, confessing his love in a style reminiscent of “The Notebook”, but I’m fine if that doesn’t happen.
LOL. what is wrong with me.
So my question is–
why would men not have conditioned themselves to be into feet?
Especially if they consume pretty much any pornographic content.
Foot binding was even considered a foot fetish, and we learned about that in AP World History class about the Chinese empire. I’m oddly attracted to ballerinas and dancing en pointe is essentially identical in a lot of ways. Their skeletal structure physically changes and it looks REALLY COOL in x-rays.
Furthermore, the sensory nerves that these action potentials travel through when your feet are stimulated, travel up through your groin. Biochemically, this should heighten your own sensation. The nerves of the feet are connected to the spinal cord in the lower back and pelvis. If you change the positioning of yourself minutely, it can DRASTICALLY affect sensation during sex–especially if vibrators are introduced.
All women should get vibrators purely because you will be able to have so many DIFFERENT kinds of orgasms that it’s honestly just cool.
Sex should be fun, explorative, and a biochemical release. Not taboo or something to be ashamed of.
Medical Professionals and their Kinks (26:43)
Speaking of exploration of the body, medical professionals are some of the kinkiest mother fuckers I’ve ever met. Keep in mind medical examiners (who perform autopsies) also have to go through medical school.
In medicine, you’re used to diagnosing through minute considerations of the body and what it is capable of, how systems interact, which actions release which chemicals and when. Subtle cues on how to tell, predisposition towards recognizing the state of blood flow through their veins, pulsing in the veins weaving through their bodies, bulging against their skin. Medicine is an art of the body, for those who are skilled enough to view it as so.
To me, I have no interest in casual hook ups because I have no interest in casually knowing people. I’d like to use whatever limited time I have on this earth immersing myself in the lives of those I love, however so. Naturally, that extends sexually because I enjoy learning how intimately someone enjoys being touched. The facets of their personalities that make them unique. How they experienced life and grew up, shaping their views of the world and views of me.
I can’t really explain it, I just know it–virtually immediately. I feel at home with them even as strangers. Thomas, the German who is truly dominating the sex olympics of my vagina, even though we shared a mere 3 weeks of passionate love affairs, was starring at me from across a bar and just perplexed by me. I loved it. He saw me the way I see myself–in wondrous curiosity. He was so loving, too, I will always think of him fondly. Germany doesn’t have typically great international PR, either, (no judgment…I’m a US citizen) so Thomas is doing you all some serious good.
Because of this sensation, I can mentally dissociate quite well from discussing sex apathetically and colloquially towards being intimate. Maybe you don’t understand it if you’ve never actually been in love, or maybe I’ve spent too many summers in obscure wine towns hidden in the lavender fields of the South of France, but the human body is not inherently taboo and treating it and something as natural as sex in that way is a disservice.
By treating the body, especially the female body, as taboo or necessitating it to be “pure”, “ladylike”, and “unbroken” it undermines the fluidity of sex. It is a disservice to the temple of human flesh that houses your soul to not be unafraid to touch yourself. To not feel guilty for your own pleasure. To not express love freely in your various forms in a world that lacks it so badly.
Studying evolutionary anthropology, the authors of “The Genius of Dogs” and “Survival of the Friendliest” reference how humans originated from primate ancestors–two of which, the bonobo and chimp, we study to reference human behavior to, today. Chimps, a patriarchal society built on alpha males are excessively violent and sexually aggressive–even genitally mutilating their neighbors to prevent competition, much like how the churches like to circumcise babies to diminish nerve sensation and sexual pleasure (though directed commonly at female members of the group in a “The Handmaid’s Tale” mentality). Bonobos, however, are matriarchal societies. They are sexually fluid and use sex for conflict resolution–not conflict creation. They are typically peaceful, expressively loving species.
Can the general public please just legalize weed nationally so you don’t have to leave your social support for medical care or fun and can our culture as a whole have a Woodstock era revival of sexual freedom please? I watched John Mayer play guitar at my first music festival at Music Midtown in Atlanta circa 2014, one of the only times I’d done edibles at the time, and it transcends most music. I cannot truly be expected to date men who can barely comprehend anger from sadness, right? You can’t expect that to turn me on or entice me, right?
Anyways, medical people have some of the kinkiest fetishes always correlated with the medical field they are in.
I have quite a few foot surgeons, shout out to my hometown hero who wrestled for American University back in the day and was a senior when I was a freshman in high school, so he knows all about my worst version of myself and never used to be deterred, who have admitted I have nice feet. This one asked me out a while back but it never went into motion, or maybe I had a boyfriend, and now I’m pretty sure he’s dating someone but it doesn’t stop him from sending snapchats of his cat purring as it lays on his cock, just so I can point out that cats like to sit in warm places and if increased blood flow through his groin makes it warm, it makes logical sense. I’m not saying it’s risque, but I have a whole post on Animal Behavior and my sex life so maybe it truly is innocent and he doesn’t keep me as an option on the back burner “just in case” but I kinda think a lot of my male friends view me in that light, so I don’t *quite* trust it. I do enjoy the conversation a lot, though.
If a foot surgeon is telling me I have nice feet and great biomechanics,
I’m gonna BE FLATTERED…RIGHTFULLY SO.
Also, I take a fair amount of pics of my ass from forward of my shoulder, as I’m laying on my tummy. My feet will be kicked up behind me and I’ll move them up and down slowly while staring at the camera. Never fails to get a dick hard. My nice feet, a smirk, and the bubbliness of the round crest of my ass? I get it, I get it. A worthy conquest.
My friend, who was in med school classes at the time (a second year) was requested, by her much older, think dad-aged MEDICAL PROFESSOR WITHIN THE SCHOOL WHO WAS THE PARENT OF HER PROFESSIONAL JUMP ROPE TEAM, a team so serious she traveled all over the world from childhood and performed at multiple olympics, was a GI doctor and asked her to strap one on and peg him. So she did. Why not? Stimulation of the hypogastric nerve in men induces orgasmic sensation via stimulation of the prostate. It is basic fucking biology and natural to enjoy this. Why does wanting to achieve higher orgasmic potential seem so taboo for men? Quit being so homophobic.
This is the perk of having a diverse friend group. My bestfriend “lost” her virginity her senior year to her now-fiance, to this day the only man she has ever had sex with. And despite SEEMINGLY being a huge slut, she just liked to drink and would make out with tons of random dudes, including ones she picked up off the street after bars closed at the end of the night, go home with them, then turn on The Grudge to “ruin the mood” so she wouldn’t even be pressured into anything more. Thank goodness she never got taken advantage of, honestly. That was risky to an extent, though hilarious. It was great for me because I had someone to party with and make out with occasionally. Half of my friend group is Southern religious conservatives, some are younger than me from when I was in grad school, and then a lot are older than me from when I was in undergrad.
I learned about rimming when I was 21-22, before the “butt stuff” phase took over and it became mainstream topics of conversation, from my friend in law school who was engaged. It’s such a small world, because this friend also happened to know the previously mentioned great and somewhat disappointing love of my life (currently), wrestler, before she ever met me, because he apparently stole her car and drove it around campus while she gave his friend, now rising within the UFC circuits, head.
Why are American men so fucking homophobic that they refuse to consider getting their bodies explored and played with, because they don’t realize it can be just as fascinating as their desires to explore the female body and its variety of holes and sensations. Men biologically have a prostate gland that should feel pretty fucking good (apparently) when stimulated. Why the fuck would you deny yourself the pleasure of knowing how your body works? Especially if it could be an odd way to heighten sexual pleasure?
I will not date you if you aren’t at least somewhat turned on by the idea of another male sucking your cock or at least open to discussing it. I’m not gonna pretend like we’re the only two people on this planet and you will never be sexually turned on by anything else blah blah blah. If you can picture me in a threesome with a woman or multiple partners in general, I can damn sure envision the power dynamics of men exchanging it. Or, again, a room full of men lusting in adoration for the chance to pleasure me. Plus, watching male-on-male porn is so hot because men must know what they enjoy best. I assume they have the better technique and insight. Same reason why lesbian porn is so common, even for “straight” women to watch.
I can straight up watch porn objectively for hours. It is such an interesting media industry. Seeing the difference in sexuality and marketing across the globe is also alluring. Of the safest countries for women, all have legal prostitution, by the way. There are benefits to less sexual repression in society. Almost like…sex is a completely natural thing and we should not sully the act of it by putting such arbitrarily taboo natures to it such that men have now conditioned themselves to have death grips and seek out anal for the tightness of those muscular sphincters because only that, or the hard grip of their dominant hand, can actually get them off anymore.
Which, I know, is somewhat hypocritical to say when I capitalize on our pathetic attitude towards sexuality and desperate framing of the “Evolution” of humans as if we didn’t murder the other species of neanderthals and hunter gatherer societies that had minutely different physical attributes–likely because we were suspicious of these slight differences and viewed them with “us” versus “them” mentality. But sure, we’ve really “evolved” away from that standpoint, globally….
Cardiologists will commonly hire women and pay them to just listen to healthy, regular heartbeats for a while. Not even to have sex.
People pay for your sweat, bath water, tears, underwear, and anything you can possibly imagine over the internet.
You don’t think I’m a little suspicious of eventual cloning technology? We are looking into cloning technology for potentially dinosaurs down the road and you think I want some strange man fetishizing American college girls to have a vial of my sweat down the road? Or my dehydrated pussy juice on the underwear I wore for 6 hours or to work out in? What are the implications that some obsessed scientist might clone me, even accidentally, in the future–possibly utilizing EVEN A CLONE OF ME FOR HIS OWN SEXUAL PURPOSES. If you sell them your DNA, does it legally and contractually mean they can do whatever with it? What if this happens down the road?
People go to the ER frequently for getting bottles vacuumed into their assholes because they don’t realize it pressure seals it because they failed introductory physics and had to switch to an econ or business major freshman year.
Rodents get stuffed into assholes.
It’s Michael Scott’s “tube city” in your intestines.
I promise you, medical people have seen and are into the weirdest shit. Both literally and figuratively. If you’re self conscious about yourself or your body etc, date someone in healthcare. They take care of people with varying bodily compositions and health all damn day long and nothing much phases them.
Like I said, I’ve held a flaccid penis taught after numbing it with local anesthesia for my surgeon to cut off skin cancer. I had to awkwardly explain to the surgeon why I thought we should logically glue the wound shut (instead of her proposed bandaging method, which was for me to ace bandage a gauze pad with ointment over the stitches). It was an odd navigation, explaining that the changing progression of blood flow would just cause that to fall off almost immediately, but we ultimately ended up gluing the wound shut. #Dermaglue. I miss that job. Win for me and limp penises recently surgically operated on everywhere.
This is your friendly reminder you can get skin cancer even where the sun doesn’t shine. If you have insurance, it should cover a yearly total body skin exam (TBSE). You can’t tell if anything is changing in size, shape, or color if you don’t have baseline measurements. Go see a dermatologist, people.
BDSM & Healthy People 2020 (39:00)
Speaking of cancer and health in general, did you know that 25-35% of all Americans are inactive? They have sedentary jobs of some kind involving physical inactivity and don’t get the allotted recommendation for physical activity through sport or exercise, etc. Physical activity has a ton of benefits–”better sleep, improved mental health, reducing risk of obesity, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and some cancers” (CDC). 50 million Americans and the “biggest public health problem of the 21st century” yet half our government refuses to actually govern based on science, knowledge, and actual education over misconstrued opinion and falsities over the decades.
Now, do I think in true ~*~American~*~ fashion we as a society would conflate sexual and physical health and have such overall negative outcomes (and yet, still try to argue that not moving to universal healthcare somehow benefits us??? Because we should… want(?) A country with 40%+ having chronic diseases which impact quality and quantity of life? Why do you not want a strong country? You know what, nevermind. Different topic for a different day). Yes.
Do I also think people are so obsessed with control over others in the fucking “country of freedom” that, coupled with human inactivity, our necessity to be productive or multitasking 24/7 and “normalizing” needing multiple full time jobs to just keep a roof over your head or pay simple bills, and sexual aggression through the porn industry that we have also gravitated towards BDSM as a way to address this societally in a multifactorial approach with the limited “fun” time we have? Absolutely.
Though often in such a way that overlooks the severity and extent of actual consent and proper protocol. BDSM in hook up culture with partners you can’t, don’t, and probably shouldn’t inherently trust, as a “quick fix” to get exercise and stretch/work muscular groups you don’t prioritize normally, sexual satisfaction (Read: orgasms), just further biochemically conditions ourselves to enjoy this in lieu of “healthier” and less physically demanding sex lives because you’re able to afford and have the time to go to a gym or work out class as you need–versus resorting or needing to carve out hours of the day to be tied up like you’re a galley wench pirate in Victorian England kept in the stocks, physically presenting yourself just for the satisfaction of another.
Orgasms have a lot of benefits too, so by all means if your partner ties you up and gets you off multiple times, do whatever you have to do to close that orgasm gap. Like I said before about yoga, changing minute ways about body positioning–flexing different muscular groups, activating certain sequences, all have varying cascays of effects, both biochemically and physically.
Here’s what happens to the body when you cum:
Dopamine is “the key neurotransmitter involved in stimulating orgasms in humans” (The British Psychologist Society). Dopamine releasers (amphetamines such as adderall) or reuptake inhibitors (cocaine) can facilitate expression of orgasm regardless of gender.
Antipsychotics and antidepressants work to make orgasms harder by blocking the dopamine receptors. So if you or a partner take these and your libido is impacted–talk to your primary care or psychiatrist if it isn’t working for you. However, I’m of the belief that mental health should be prioritized over sexual. Don’t have sex with people who hurt your mental health. Your sexual partners should be people you can trust who you can discuss this with. They shouldn’t get offended or assume “it’s them” if the other person can’t cum, but it also doesn’t need to be a judgmental investigation where you demand an explanation. Sex doesn’t always HAVE to “end” in orgasms. I recommend nice play sessions throughout your time with them. Breaks are cool. Snacks are always good. Have fun with it, it should be enjoyable for both of you.
Serotonin, the neurotransmitter involved in mood modulation, cognition, reward, learning, memory, and even physiological processes such as vasoconstriction (think blood flow constriction which can be altered and enhanced via choking) is blocked for reuptake by antidepressant drugs. Most SSRIs, except for nefazodone and buspirone, reportly inhibit oprgasms. Apparently buspirone has been used “off label” therapeutically for treating premature or early ejaculation as well.
Anti inflammatory biochemicals are released (great and super useful for recovery, age “protection”, and protecting against environmental toxins you come into contact with through skin absorption).
Sex in sports is a somewhat taboo topic since it can cross a lot of awkward professional boundaries and people like Larry Nasser will use the inability of comprehensive sex education to guide naivety of youthful innocence for predatory behavior.
Rhonda Rousey reportedly talks about fucking the night before her fights. This makes sense, because estrogen and testosterone are both released as a result. These enhance your skin and hair health. Note that both of these levels wax and wane through a woman’s typical reproductive cycle, thus the libido is expected to be somewhat cyclical and periods of asexuality or disinterest are normal and may not involve your partner or anything being “wrong” with your physical body.
Sigmund Freud also coined the phrase “before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”
Orgasms literally can treat “hysteria” in women (let’s remember our early 1900’s medical documentation of prescription vibrators) which really just means “vibrators help women not be reliant on men for sexual satisfaction and sexual wellness”. Everybody needs 10.
Research institutions are starting to use fMRI and PET scans for the study of orgasms, thus the extent of this knowledge. I’m hopefully keeping it enough introductory biochem where it makes some type of sense. Being physically active, especially through sport, can increase your natural testosterone production. Testosterone helps restore sexual interest and pleasure and is a common androgen therapy for men who are ageing or have had their testes surgically altered or removed, as well as for women following oophorectomies. Also a topic for a later date, but cis hetero women often need hormone replacement and therapy so shut the fuck up about the imaginary issues with the less than 2% of the population who identifies as trans just because you suddenly care about people’s health/access to healthcare and really just wanna shit on someone’s most comfortable identity for them, which should be irrelevant for you if its not harming you and they’re happy.
In women, “pain thresholds more than double during orgasm” (Whipple & Komisaruk, 1985). As a woman in sports with a very fucked up, drastically skewed pain receptors from the multiple bone breaks and general contact, I endorse this message. Let’s not forget vaginas and women are not the weak ones. We are physically designed to essentially take a beating to our innermost crevices and enjoy it. I’m sure the argument will eventually be made that my altered pain thresholds, including one my OBGYN commented on as she removed and reinserted a new IUD after my Mirena expired over 7 years with me barely flinching, are fucked up for no shortage of reasons and as such, naturally effects my sensory neural impulse propagation through sex.
Furthermore, the cortical regions of the brain responsible for orgasm are also activated during painful stimulation. This has psychologically become understood to have overlapping activation of “pain” versus “pleasure”, an obvious facet of BDSM culture. Thus, why would sexual activity that consensually combines the two not offer ultimate orgasms?
Oxytocin is also involved. Commonly called the “love hormone”, you can experience a release after 20 seconds of physical contact.
…Yes, I have literally used this to explain to my guy friends why I requested a prolonged hug and we should express love through friendships more, including verbally being appreciative and acknowledging our friends better, because all we’re doing is depriving ourselves of “positive vibes” (hormones) by not. As someone who had a sexually intimate previous partner be the one to point out they think one of my dominant love languages is physical touch, yet I withhold it and hate personal contact without permission, as is typical of people with histories of sexual trauma or abuse. Yay me.
Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter involved in “childbirth, breastfeeding, sexual activity, empathy, trust, and relationship-building” (Medical News Today). Females typically have higher levels than males, and may even benefit people with anxiety, depression, or intestinal problems. Thus, sexual health and wellbeing can impact mental health and wellbeing a lot more than we frame it. Again, why would that NOT be the case when half of the nation is hell bent on framing sexuality as something taboo versus well within the boundaries of completely normal human behavior that is not dependent on some social construct of marriage or purity.
Nipple stimulation actually triggers oxytocin release,
so suck on them tiddies if you want to get particularly close with a partner.
Nipple clamps would obviously impact release and stimulation by this logic as well. Oxytocin is also released and affects uterine contraction. (It can medically be used to induce a termination or complete a miscarriage, but your body also naturally produces it.) Oxytocin released in the blood stream affects uterus contraction, but within the brain it impacts “emotional, cognitive, and social behaviors” including, but not limited to, sexual behavior, bonding between couples, and maternal care.
It isn’t as straightforward as some of the other hormones, because it can be internally produced in times of stress but external supply of it also reduces stress. It has enhanced bonding effects while also being correlated to increasing group think behavior in unhealthy manners (prejudice, aggression, jealousy).
Let’s look at the biomechanics of stretching alone.
BDSM and contortion play, effectively stretching with toys and a partner, increases blood flow, as targeted muscles widen their blood vessels to allow blood absorption (and neurotransmitter movement).
Stretching activates the parasympathetic nervous system, responsible for rest/digestion, inducing potentially calming or relaxing effects during an activity which would otherwise activate your sympathetic nervous system and stress centers. This operational dichotomy is inevitably sexually rewarding in a multifactorial manner.
Plus, endorphins are released and everybody knows from Reese Witherspoon’s Elle Woods in Legally Blonde that “endorphins make you happy. Happy people don’t kill their husbands.” These are commonly released after sex in the body’s biochemical natural reward system, thus stretching to activate release ahead or during sexual activity seems logically beneficial. Endorphins also have greater pain-relieving effects than morphine, causing feelings of euphoria. Do I really need to explain how this, coupled with the pain-threshold increase during orgasm for women, would be incredibly beneficial to heighten sexual pleasure?
Regular sexual activity also improves neurogenesis, or neuronal creation within the hippocampus of your brain, responsible for learning and memory. Thus, regular sexual activity with partners worthy of trust get biochemically reinforced to build stronger relationships and increase healthy brain activity.
Keep this in mind if you gravitate towards a particular Dom/Sub role, as you will be further reinforcing your biochemical conditioning. I prefer the exchange of power, myself…likely a testament to my pansexuality, so I can do it all and I’ve never liked narrowing down my choices. In fact, I believe it was Ali Wong in her Netflix special Baby Cobra who mentioned assertive, bossy, domineering women in other aspects like and prefer to be submissive in bed, because it is the one time we are able to relinquish control.
This should be a pretty good introduction into the sexual psychology of fetishes, BDSM emergence and framing of healthy sexual activity, how common different kinks or sexual priorities actually are, and that you shouldn’t be intimidated to talk about something of that relevance with potential or future partners.
If you’re too uncomfortable to do so, chances are either you or them mentally aren’t in the best head space to engage in that, and you should also be able to recognize those instances as well.
Women who orgasm regularly have decreased risk of breast cancer, everyone is less likely to die of heart disease, and prostate cancer in men drops by 33% with 21 or more orgasms a month (Fertile Ground Wellness Center). Sex is good for comprehensive health reasons. Make sure you’re doing it safely, and consensually, but it should be an experience to be enjoyed by any and everyone involved.
Also don’t forget, if you die of autoerotic asphyxiation, or any simultaneously dangerous BDSM activities, your body can and will be transported to the medical examiner for the typically state-required autopsy in the bondage gear and positioning it is found in.
Remember that next time you choke your chicken and self out with a necktie while your sweet, caring mother is upstairs making you dinner. For the medical examiner staff, at least those ones are typically “funner” than normal. You know they went out doing something they loved, at least. As Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark of MFM would say, stay sexy and don’t get murdered.
REFERENCES:
http://www.bridgewater.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Foot-Facts.pdf
https://www.innerbody.com/anatomy/nervous/leg-foot
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot_fetishism
https://bigthink.com/sex-relationships/psychology-of-foot-fetishes?rebelltitem=4#rebelltitem4
https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2020/0116-americas-inactivity.html
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/275795#the_love_hormone
https://www.healthline.com/health/why-does-stretching-feel-good
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3548359/
https://fertilegroundwellnesscenter.com/2019/03/26/o-my/
https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-21/edition-2/orgasm
https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2009/08/physical-inactivity
https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2020/0116-americas-inactivity.html
https://www.simplypsychology.org/whatispsychology.html
https://www.simplypsychology.org/pavlov.html
https://www.verywellmind.com/operant-conditioning-a2-2794863